Follow by Email

Monday, January 3, 2011

A new Year, a Better Year

This year I believe is going to be full of promise. I am going to do what I need to better myself to become a better mother, and build my relationship with God more. I also decided as my growing up process is continuing I'll make more changes. I made a promise to Harvey and my family to take my lipring out the 1st of the year. So I did. Now it feels like there is something missing. (haha) I am going to try my hardest to keep it out. I also need to get my some insurance and new glasses. My eye site is kind of getting worse.

My walk with God is hard. It's like I get attacked from all sides with this one. I am not worried about what others think, because I Know my true friends will stand by myside through this. My biggest struggle is reading the Bible. I have a hard time reading and retaining information. I read 5 lines and the first 3 lines I read I don't remember what it said. I am also a slow and bad reader and it frustrates me. I pray everynight that God helps me with this. It amazes me how some people can read and then they can almost explain the whole book without glanceing at it. I always had trouble in school with this. With papers I had to write and books I had to read. It was a struggle for me. Hopefully I can really work on this and learn to retain the information that I read.

Yesteday we went to church and the pastor talked to me about how children like Kadyn have a higher place in heaven then anyone else. (of course this is were I bust in tears) He told me that in heave there is no hydrocephalus and any other condition Kadyn has, it is not there. I have been struggeling with Kadyn's pain for awhile now. There are times I cry out to Him, why Kadyn? Why? What did he do to deserve this? It's not fair! It's just not fair! I find myself crying that out a lot lately. So far this winter has been super rough on Kadyns head. His pain has been so bad that I just wish I could take him place.

I know through my journey this year, there will be many times that I fall down, and I just need to dust myself off and get back up and move on and not dwell on it. This is my life and it's also Kadyn's. The set backs are unstoppable. They will come and it's up to me to be strong and just keep pushing on.

I am pretty excited to see whats instore for me this year!


Sue Z said...

Could you concentrate on the Bible more if you were listening to it instead of reading it? There are a lot of versions of the Bible available as an audio file, including some that are available for free online. Just an idea. I know I have trouble concentrating too but if you force yourself to keep doing it, it will get a little better.

Shay said...

I saw your video on YouTube and I followed the link to your blog. It is good to see pictures of him looking so well and smiling. Your son is so blessed to have such a loving mother.

Anonymous said...

What bible are you reading? King James? the message? I find "The Message" is in more language that easier for me to understand. ALSO amplified bible is amazing for that. It breaks it down what you just read and on the other side it says it in plain English and much easier to read. That's what I read out of.

People who can talk or quote the book, that happens over a long time. Also I find that they have movies like "The book of James" I know they have Ruth too, see if Christian store has any of them or a video store. I find those super helpful. I'm at the point where when I read my bible it's all the same so I'm having trouble with that.

I know you have your hard days where you just wanna cry and more so now since Harv is gone but hon it's ok to let it all out, you need it. You need sometimes to just let it all out and just bawl your beautiful eyes out, just be sure there's a tray of cookies or brownies in the oven to make it easier on you ;)