So..idk

They sent us home yesterday. I still think there is something not right. He isn't his normal playful happy self at all. They said there isn't any change in his CT scan, like normally there never is. He is so unhappy all the time now. He was very playful right after he woke up from sleeping all day the day he had the seizure. He was playing with the nurse. John, what a wonderful nurse he is. He told me that Kadyn was one of his favorite kids to take care of. Kadyn just came home and is a totally different baby. He isn't talking at all. He isn't kicking around, he just isn't himself. I am hoping it's because of his new medication. He is on Zonegran. It's a capsule and I have to break them open and mix the powder with juice or something. He only gets this medicationat bedtime. So maybe that will help him some? I don't know. This just seems to be never ending. It's like Kadyn's seizures are never going to be under control. I tell them that he doesn't ever have any little one in between each big one. He just has one long big seizure.

Oh and the police officer that responded first to my 911 call, he was almost in tears. I was so surprised. He was all like it's just not fair for him to have to go through this. I told him that he has been in and out of the hospital at least once or twice a month every month since april or 2008. He shook my hand and said I don't know how you do it. I just said, sometimes I don't know either. Which is my new answer, I don't know how I do it, How I am so calm and how I remember everything needed to be remembered in such a stressful situation. Doctors even noticed that. I just look at it this way, I can either remain calm and helpful, or I can be a stressed mess and not be any help and Kadyn's treatment won't be as effective. So I remain calm. When I am alone in a bathroom, thats where I will cry and remove all the stress built up in me from that day. Then I am fine and ready to go. I still don't know how I can just remain so calm when a ton of people come flooding into my house and they are all poking Kadyn (EMS can't use his port at all) and asking a bunch of questions. I answered them all too. Thankfully.