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Saturday, July 31, 2010

Kadyn's My answer

I was sitting here, at 1am, thinking about a lot of things. That I should be more thankful for what I have. I am listening to I don't get the radio station here in Michigan but my Laptop gets it. Anyways. I just have this warm feeling in my heart that no matter what, even though Kadyn can't do what everyone else's child can do, he is happy and that is the answer to everything. Kadyn is happiest when he is just rolling around. Maybe therapy isn't so much an answer for him but for a comfort for me, knowing that he might want to do these things one day. I honestly believe that he can hold his head up, but he feels more comfort when his body is on the floor. I believe Kadyn will one day crawl, walk, hold his head up, sit up, but I think these things need to be on his terms, not MINE. I am still on the waiting list for therapy, and I think by the we get in maybe Kadyn will put up a little fight but not a huge one. Possibly he is just happy the way he is. Although I want whats best for him, because he deserves nothing less then the best. I try and work with him at home and he just fights me, he contorts his body and he ends up hurting me, by head butting me, biting me, pinching, and everything under the sun. You can only take being bite and hit so many times before you kinda just don't want to do it anymore. I am hoping making him sit up in his high chair and his special chair more often will help him like doing these things.
I pray everynight to understand why Kadyn can't do the things I see other children who have the same condition, I pray that He heals my son so Kadyn can do these things. Although I have yet to get an answer I know I'll get one. I just know there is an answer. So here I sit, watching my son listen to the music, and I see the twinkle in his eyes. His hummings to the music is the music I hear.

When it comes to Kadyn crying, I often wonder if he cries because he needs stimulation from others. Possibly he is noticing that the one man he had in his life everyday isn't there anymore, and I can't comfort that in him. He knows something is missing. I can possibly be also boring to him now. My parents are rarly home as they babysit. I am thinking that going to Ohio with my sister and her children would bring him that different face stimulation he needs. I mean they say, children give their parents the hardest time. I am just trying to come up with different ways to make him happy. I wish the parks made swings for children with special needs. It's difficult to swing with him by myself. I believe though I need to do this more often to get him outside, other then in his stroller or wagon. I try not to go to the park when there are many kids there as I don't want to get bumped into while he is in my arms nor do I want to hold up the line to the slide. (haha) Also I don't take Kadyn out a lot because I am scared he will get sick. When Kadyn gets sick, it means hospitalizations, seizures, breahting tubes, doesn't matter what he gets, he gets sick and it's worse then him needs a surgery. :( So I am a home hobbit. I am trying to break free of that shell. I really am.

Well I am thinking I need to stop worrying about what my boy can't do, and be thankful for what he can do. Yell, talk, hear, see, smile, breath, move his arms and legs (in not so human like positions lol!), cry, blink, everything that we take for granted. :). He is an amazing little boy!

My little guy is getting so big. He is almost longer then the paper tape measure that they use for measureing length and head circumfrence. Ahhh my favorite song is on now. "Amazing Grace"


Larissa said...

Hi!My name is Larissa and I'm from Brazil...I saw on youtube the video that you made when Kadyn born.I know how difficulty is have a person that you love a lot with this disease because my grandfather had =/ it's a little difficulty talk about this because he died this year(don't "worry" the cause of his death was another problem(s) ._.).Your son is nice boy^^ and cute, I'm sure that one day he will learn to walk but he will need time for this(his time how you said =D),about the stimulation will be necessary,I know the fear that you feel(and my mother and grandmother too) but in this case he's missing the stimulation of someone so try to distract him with other people,don't try replace someone,but tu put more people in his circle of socializing so I'm sure there will be enough stimulation^^
Sorry with my english =D I'm not so good yet. See you Sara!And good luck for you and Kadyn.
P.S:. I loved a lot this blog,I'll try reading your posts and whenever possible I will also comment

Kristen said...

It sounds like you are understanding the fine balance as a parent between accepting your child just as they are but also loving them enough to push them to reach their potential. It is difficult, I know, with our kiddos, we're not exactly sure what their individual potential is. But it's loving to show them there is more to life than just what they know. That's true of any parent, of a typical of special needs child. We are here to guide them and teach them. And it's such a beautiful job we have as mothers. And your thankful heart will keep you seeing the work of God that you are doing for Kadyn. Blessings.

letscreate said...

Blessings to you and Kadyn. I am a parent to a 10mth old little girl and while she may not be special needs, since I found your site while I was pregnant I have kept up with your updates as much as I can. Kadyn is growing up so nicely and I admire how you take each day in stride. I hope I can be as good a mom as you are. You all are always in my prayers and give Kadyn a hug from me and my litte Izabel.