Kadyn's My answer

I was sitting here, at 1am, thinking about a lot of things. That I should be more thankful for what I have. I am listening to Klove.com. I don't get the radio station here in Michigan but my Laptop gets it. Anyways. I just have this warm feeling in my heart that no matter what, even though Kadyn can't do what everyone else's child can do, he is happy and that is the answer to everything. Kadyn is happiest when he is just rolling around. Maybe therapy isn't so much an answer for him but for a comfort for me, knowing that he might want to do these things one day. I honestly believe that he can hold his head up, but he feels more comfort when his body is on the floor. I believe Kadyn will one day crawl, walk, hold his head up, sit up, but I think these things need to be on his terms, not MINE. I am still on the waiting list for therapy, and I think by the we get in maybe Kadyn will put up a little fight but not a huge one. Possibly he is just happy the way he is. Although I want whats best for him, because he deserves nothing less then the best. I try and work with him at home and he just fights me, he contorts his body and he ends up hurting me, by head butting me, biting me, pinching, and everything under the sun. You can only take being bite and hit so many times before you kinda just don't want to do it anymore. I am hoping making him sit up in his high chair and his special chair more often will help him like doing these things.
I pray everynight to understand why Kadyn can't do the things I see other children who have the same condition, I pray that He heals my son so Kadyn can do these things. Although I have yet to get an answer I know I'll get one. I just know there is an answer. So here I sit, watching my son listen to the music, and I see the twinkle in his eyes. His hummings to the music is the music I hear.

When it comes to Kadyn crying, I often wonder if he cries because he needs stimulation from others. Possibly he is noticing that the one man he had in his life everyday isn't there anymore, and I can't comfort that in him. He knows something is missing. I can possibly be also boring to him now. My parents are rarly home as they babysit. I am thinking that going to Ohio with my sister and her children would bring him that different face stimulation he needs. I mean they say, children give their parents the hardest time. I am just trying to come up with different ways to make him happy. I wish the parks made swings for children with special needs. It's difficult to swing with him by myself. I believe though I need to do this more often to get him outside, other then in his stroller or wagon. I try not to go to the park when there are many kids there as I don't want to get bumped into while he is in my arms nor do I want to hold up the line to the slide. (haha) Also I don't take Kadyn out a lot because I am scared he will get sick. When Kadyn gets sick, it means hospitalizations, seizures, breahting tubes, doesn't matter what he gets, he gets sick and it's worse then him needs a surgery. :( So I am a home hobbit. I am trying to break free of that shell. I really am.

Well I am thinking I need to stop worrying about what my boy can't do, and be thankful for what he can do. Yell, talk, hear, see, smile, breath, move his arms and legs (in not so human like positions lol!), cry, blink, everything that we take for granted. :). He is an amazing little boy!

My little guy is getting so big. He is almost longer then the paper tape measure that they use for measureing length and head circumfrence. Ahhh my favorite song is on now. "Amazing Grace"
:)