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Thursday, November 11, 2010

Baby sitting and Kadyn

So I have had a lot of thinking going on since I started babysitting. Here are the thoughts in my head.

So basically since I have been watching this 2 month old Alexa, many things have changed. I am thankful for Kadyn's patience while I learn in in and outs of trying to care or two children. I am really catching on. I have noticed since I began watching Alexa I feel much closer to Kadyn than before. I felt that was impossible at first but when I began doing the things I wasn't able to do with Kadyn, with Alexa, it kind of fulfilled my need to have that. Of course when Kadyn was born we were not allowed to feed him, and I had no contact with him for almost a week. I wasn't able to change his diaper, burp him, or anything for a long time. By the time we were able to he was holding his own bottle, he was burping on his own. So this really helped me a lot. I guess it's hard to explain but those who I explain it to said they understood. I guess it was that little bond I was missing and I was able to fulfill that through Alexa.

Alexa makes me was another baby so bad. I always said I never wanted children, then I had Kadyn who I am the upmost thankful for. I love him with all my heart! After I had Kadyn I told myself, NO MORE! Number 1 I knew Kadyn would, and ill always require my care. Also I didn't know if I could handle a newborn and handle Kadyn at the same time, well babysitting a newborn has shown me that I have not one thing to fear. It also showed me that juggling Kadyn and a newborn would be easy. If that ment not being able to ride in the ambulance with Kadyn when he is mid Seizure, and following the ambulance instead, I believe that I am ok with that. I am perfectly fine with the things I will need to change in order to have a bigger family. Harvey and I talked about this and we decided one more would be enough. Although if we have a boy and not a girl we would try for another one and see if we get a girl. Also we are suppose to get married, but due to Kadyn's health insurance being provided through the state, we are afraid that Harvey would make too much and we would lose his insurance, so before we say out I do's, we have some research to do. We have so much plannig to do as we step out there and buy our first house together. I am pretty exited, yet scared and I am sure those who have already been through the whole first time homebuyer status know how I am feeling.

Kadyn is not feeling to hot. He has a terrible cough with some congestion. It's been around the clock Tylenol to control any fever or even headaches he maybe having. He is sleeping a lot more, but I am sure with the congestion his head probably feels horrible. I know when he gets colds, he tends to have symptoms of that of a shunt malfunction, but when his shunt really isn't working, he shows no signs. I have been storeing some of Kadyn's old blanets from the ICU up and now I am putting them in bins and packing them away. I think it's time I let go that part of our lives. It's done and overwith and we never have to go back to that point!

So I guess I better get bck to packing that stuff before I change my mind :)