Does anyone ever recite what they want to say to someone before they actually go in and say it. Like seriously out loud like you are talking to the person? I have a habit of doing this. LIke our Neurosurgary appointment I am going there to find answers about why Kadyn was on so many medications that are not approved for his age level. I need answers to this. I know having th answers won't fix things but, I need them. Today in the car while running errands Kadyn was in his car seat and I was just going over with myself what I wanted to say to the Neurology nurse and doctor on the 23rd of this month. Kadyn's in the backseat making raspeberry noises and saying bye bye and mama. I normally talk back and make the same noises back to him. This time I couldn't. I could not get out of my head that I was most likely poisoning my child! I know I was just listening to the doctors with hopes that I was doing what was best for my son, but in all reality I wasn't, He was being poisoned with that horrible medication. I turned around he had fallen asleep. Obviously my rambelings taht should of stayed in my head bored him to sleep. As I pulled into my drive way I just thanked God for everyday I have had with Kadyn and the ones I will have. I thanked him for letting Kadyn live and beable to breath. I thanked him for Kadyn's happiness and even his cranky days. I know that Kadyn has a lot to work on in the upcoming future and his road may still be rocky, but I'll be his bulldozer to clear his path in everyway. For now on I am going to do my studying on any kind of treatment that they are going to use on my child. I won't just do what the doctor orders, because sometimes they may even be wrong. Kadyn is asleep in his bed right now. I am listening to Christmas music, finishing wraping gifts and enjoying a nice glass of wine to relax me. Life is good. It really is.