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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Speaking to myself before speaking to someone else

Does anyone ever recite what they want to say to someone before they actually go in and say it. Like seriously out loud like you are talking to the person? I have a habit of doing this. LIke our Neurosurgary appointment I am going there to find answers about why Kadyn was on so many medications that are not approved for his age level. I need answers to this. I know having th answers won't fix things but, I need them. Today in the car while running errands Kadyn was in his car seat and I was just going over with myself what I wanted to say to the Neurology nurse and doctor on the 23rd of this month. Kadyn's in the backseat making raspeberry noises and saying bye bye and mama. I normally talk back and make the same noises back to him. This time I couldn't. I could not get out of my head that I was most likely poisoning my child! I know I was just listening to the doctors with hopes that I was doing what was best for my son, but in all reality I wasn't, He was being poisoned with that horrible medication. I turned around he had fallen asleep. Obviously my rambelings taht should of stayed in my head bored him to sleep. As I pulled into my drive way I just thanked God for everyday I have had with Kadyn and the ones I will have. I thanked him for letting Kadyn live and beable to breath. I thanked him for Kadyn's happiness and even his cranky days. I know that Kadyn has a lot to work on in the upcoming future and his road may still be rocky, but I'll be his bulldozer to clear his path in everyway. For now on I am going to do my studying on any kind of treatment that they are going to use on my child. I won't just do what the doctor orders, because sometimes they may even be wrong. Kadyn is asleep in his bed right now. I am listening to Christmas music, finishing wraping gifts and enjoying a nice glass of wine to relax me. Life is good. It really is.


charmine. said...

I think that is ok.It's a good idea to read up on his medicines before giving it to him ,maybe take a second opinion and yes,do ask the doctor about his treatment so far.

I feel sad to hear about all this.Praying for you and Kadyn.That's a nice pic!