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Friday, July 4, 2008

My own rantings...

Why is it that some guys think taking care of a child is easy. Hell, taking care of a normal child isnt easy. Sleep is lost and hair is pulled out. Right now, im going through an emotional rollar coaster. Im just so tired of doing everything by myself. Ive dealt with so much on my own while harvey was gone and he doesnt understand it at all. Desicions were made, kadyn went back into the hospital and had a few more surgeries, all that i had to deal with by myself...like i usually do. I always do things on my own. I dont know, just wish i could just once get a break..a little one..but i never do, im always the go and do do do for kadyn. I pretty much buy everything, but i do get money from harvey, but stilll...its hard, and its really starting to just take a toll on my emotionally nad physically. I dont eat right, i just dont know anymore. I love kadyn to death, but sometimes its just too hard for me to handle, and the thing is i never show it at all. I just walk around with a smile and pretending im so strong, but sometimes i question if ireally am strong enough for this challenge God has given me. kadyn has come along way from when he was born, he has really shined like the star that he is. He is amazing lil guy, but i swear he is sooooo much work lol. I love him though and wouldnt trade my life now for anything, but damn for just one day can i just go out and let lose and not be a responisble parent...well id totally leave kadyn with my mom of course LOL. I think i need bar time <3

5 comments:

Sara said...

Hey sweetie,

I've been reading your blog for awhile now. I have an 8yo with severe autism, epilepsy, GERD & OCD. We have a PT eval this month for low muscle tone in his legs - I'm worried about his ankles & feet.

It IS hard, and we all need some "me" time. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish & put yourself & your own needs first. Eating right & getting enough sleep are important; you can coast for quite awhile, but eventually it will bite you (says the woman who needs to lose 80lbs). I hope you have a place you can talk about all this stuff with other moms. I hope you can get out & do something you enjoy.

In some ways it gets easier ... my son's sleep is much better now, and I'm finished with diapers and 2am feedings. But I can't tell you it's ever gonna be "easy." There's always a new challenge on the horizon, there's always *something* you have to deal with, whether they're typical kids or not.

Hang in there hon. I look forward to reading your updates and seeing pictures of your beautiful son. :)

-Sara.

Kristen said...

It is hard! Exhausting!! I'm a first time mom right along with you, and I feel the tiredness of being in the hospital so often, and dealing with so many things that regular parents don't have to. I do have Mike at home and his help is great, but it's important for us women to have other women we can confide in. Men think logically and rarely understand our female emotional rants. I hope you have someone nearby that you confide in. My mom is a big help to me in this area.

I totally know you love your little man and would never choose life without him. That doesn't mean you'll never feel like you don't want or need a break from it. Even just a nap would help. It's a tough situation, I know. Hang in there. I think you are doing a great job!

Flávio said...

good luck in this life battle, your love for your sun is admirable...

i want to say more word but i don't speak english very well!

i just wish to you and your son much happiness, strength and health

hugs from brasil!

Cheryl said...

Hello from Kansas. I found your site through Cayman's. I have a foster daughter with special needs. She just turned 18 and has lived with me for 10 years.
Does Kadyn have a g-tube, oxygen, or any technology assistance? IF he does, there are programs (in some States) to qualify him for in-homing nursing OR at least respite. PLEASE contact the social worker at his hospital to direct you to those sources. WISH I lived close enough to give you a break when you need it. WE ALL DO!!!
Praying for you.
Cheryl

Sange said...

I discovered your blog only about a week ago but I also sympathize as a proud parent of a special needs son 6.5yo (mild-mod hearing loss, epilepsy, language disorder, hypotonia, low IQ, devel delays). All of these combined cause issues which distance him from his peers and require him to use a stroller for long distances.

I also love him and would not change him for anything. He has so many positive points that I could never imagine life without him. But it can be very hard to balance his needs with the rest of the world and my own life.

It really helps to join support groups and make playdates with children who are in your child's class or special needs school bus. Talking does a lot to take the pressure off and realize that you are not alone.

If you can get family to help even while your child is asleep and just needs basic supervision, go for it. Just going for a walk around the block alone, reading a book while having a cup of 'joe' @ Starbucks, or lastly sitting in a bubbly bathtub can do wonders.

I know this is long, but hope that it helps. We are fortunate to have our special ones: we get meet people we wouldn't have met otherwise, learn patience we may not have had before and enjoy every little accomplishment as it comes.

---Sange
also a proud mom to
Holly 8 & Peytee 3.5