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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Just thought id write a lil whatever

So, as most know Harvey and I had gone our seperate ways for awhile, as things just werent working out. Im not going to go into detail about that because that is something personal to me, and id like to keep it to myself. Well Harvey and I never really gave up on our relationship. I mean after 6 years how can you just walk away forever? We just needed time apart. I was stressed between work and kadyn. (Our relationship got hard when we found out about Kadyn) Harvey was stressed with his work, bills, Kadyn, and my horrible attitude. I dont take full blame but i do know i gave him a very hard time and im very sorry for it and he knows it. Well we decided a couple weeks ago that we just cant live without each other and patched things back up and now are back together. Thank goodness. I never believed in having children before marriage and i think between my stress with Kadyn, and me being disappointed in myself i just totally went crazy for awhile. Well as things settled with the stress levels, i think i just sat down one night was like ok SARA enough is enough. Why be stressed over the unstoppable, of course im going to be stressed but why make it known why shove it in someone elses face. Dont let it take over your life! So since that night i deicded im going to be the girl that Harvey met in highschool.

Well now we are back together. How exciteing! Ive never been so happy. My family feels so complete now, and i feel overjoyed. We have gotten along great, its been nothing but smiles and goofing around like normal, and kadyn has alot to do with it also. kadyn brought us closer. I love Harvey with all my heart, not only because he is the father of my beauitful son but because we get along so well, he completes me. Its amazing. We are a FAMILY again. Yes we plan on getting married, but the finances just arent there yet, and we are still patching up a couple rough spots. But life is beautiful again.

I also decided that i want to start going back to church again. I guess you can say i lost my faith for awhile, i just lost hope but i found it again, and i think it had something to due with Caymans Benifit.
Let me explain why i stopped going. Everyong knows that i dont live in the best of areas, most would consider where i live the ghetto i guess but not as bad. Well when Kadyn was born before that i never went to church and after i wanted him to grow up with faith in his life, and i wanted to start mine. Well i went to a church were Harveys family always went, and some still go there. I didnt go alone, i went with Harveys cousins Wife Aimee and her Son Matthew. Well, i walk in and everything is fine. (Kaydn was a newborn so his head was still huge) I pic kadyn up and i got a bunch of stares, now being in a church setting i wouldnt expect such horrifing stares. I mean you can tell the difference between a horrifies stare and a curious stare, and let me tell you they were far from curious. I left that morning and i never went back, i didnt want to put kadyn in the situation, and i thought of all places that kadyn would be accepted in a church setting, but not there not here. Maybe its a michigan thing? I dont know, but i cryed that day and i held my son and cried hard and i wondered to myself, why couldnt anyone else seen the beauty in my son thought i had seen, that my family has seen and his father sees. What was wrong with those people and i havent been back. Now i went to Caymans benifit and everyone was just too loving adn adoring of such a lil angel. It inspired me, to go to a DIFFERENT church, and if harveys family cant accept that well so be it. So, im going to talk to harvey about tha to see if he would like to go also, and go to church this sunday. I think it will be nice. So we will see how things go. I want to baptize Kadyn and harvey does also
Anyways. I am going to go fix me some dinner


Kristen said...

Hey Sara, Congratulations on you and Harvey being together! I can hear the happiness in your words. I think we all have had those times in life when we have to sit ourselves done and give ourselves a good talk to change our attitude.

I'm so happy to hear you're going to give church another try. It's so tough when people don't understand and give horrified stares. I think why my church has been so great and has spared us of those horrible stares is because of Cayman's blog. They got to know her before they saw her. They saw pictures of her so then once they saw her in person is wasn't so startling. I hate it when people stare too, but it helps me if I put myself in the other person's shoes and realize they may have never seen such a thing before and they have never been taught how to react to a child that looks different. We tend to think that people should know automatically how to be respectful and react to our babies, but they don't. I don't think I would have known before I had Cayman. It's just a different situation and our world focuses sadly so much on appearance. I think our job is to remain confident and educate people on how to handle situations like ours. In fact I remember reading an awesome article about something like this. When I have the time I'm going to write a blog about it. So basically, what I'm trying to say is, give people time. At church, at first people may not know how to react appropriately. You may have to show them you are comfortable talking about your son's condition. Once they become familiar with Kadyn their reactions will be so different. The people from my church have been reading my blog since before Cayman was born so there is an advantage there in getting to know her beyond just her diagnosis. Just give it some time though. I think you and Harvey will be able to find a supportive church family. I'll be praying you do. I'm so proud of you Sara.