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Monday, September 22, 2008


I'm so lost right now. Harvey just told me that he is going to be leaving for Border Patrol. It's going to be a few months but, he is going. He has a few more months, but once his training is over he is going to be stationed some where else. Now he says he wants to go with him. I've compiled a list of Pro's and Con's to this situation....

He would be with Kadyn
I wouldn't have to work

I'd have to move away from my family
I'd be living with someone who I"m not in a relationship with
Kadyn would have to start all over with doctors
I wouldn't be happy
I'd be home alone with Kadyn most of the time
I'd still be doing everything on my own
I'd have to put my dreams on hold.

I'm sure I could think of more, I'm not sure if i would go or not. Harvey could always come here and see Kadyn. It's not like he has really made an effort in Kadyns life anyways. I couldn't even get Harvey to be at the hospital last night when Kadyn was. It just wasn't fair. This is getting harder and harder on my heart. I almsot got admitted for having a panic attack and almost passing out. I know Kadyn needs his daddy but he needs the doctors who already know him just so lost in what to do. I know if i were to deicde to move i wouldnt go right away.
Well im going to try and get some sleep



Kristen said...

Wow, what a big and difficult decision you have to make. A "pro's-con's" list is a great way to approach such a decision. Good luck!! *hugs*

Anonymous said...

My 2 cents worth - you are where you have support from your Mom and family. You know that Harvey isn't going to be there for you, you know that your Mom will. Moving will only take away what support you do have and it's going only going to make you miserable and if you are miserable, then so will be Kadyn. If Harvey wants to be in Kadyn's life, he will stick around. If he doesn't then following him to the ends of the Earth isn't going to change that. Take it from someone who spent 10 years where they weren't wanted, it's better in the end to not keep trying. You are young and you will find someone that loves both you and Kadyn. That is more important than biology in the long run for you and your little boy. *hugs* and best wishes.