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Monday, September 29, 2008

Saying "no"

I am a firm believer that you should treat a specail child just like they were normal. Now i've been telling kadyn No on some things in a stern, but not very mean vocie. Just so he can tell the difference between things he can and can't do. So what can a child who can barely do anything need to be told no to. He has this thing where he grabs the nipple of the bottle and squirts milk everywhere. Whenever i see him do so, i take the bottle away and say NO. I think that its not harsh of me to teach him not to do such a thing. I will take the bottle away for a minute then give it back, i will put it in his mouth, so he learns that the bottle is not for playing. My mom on the other hand says i should give him abreak that he doesnt know any better. Well when we are all babys we dont know any better, we are taught disapline. its not like im smacking his hand or anything, i wouldnt do that to him, even is he was "normal". I dont see anything wrong in a firm NO when he is doing something that he isnt suppose to. It may take awhile but eventualy he will learn. HE is a smart boy, and he will learn, when i do this, mommy has a not so nice vocie, and i get it taken away, so if i dont do it, i can keep it, and drink it. He will, it may take awhile, but soon he will be broken of that. I put his medication in the bottle becuase one is a pill, and has to be crushed so he needs to be broken of this. I dont see anything wrong with me just saying no, and taking the bottle away from a min or 2. I feel bad yes becuase it breaks his heart and he crys, but if i were to give in thats giving him permission to do such a thing. I cant ahve him squirting his milk alll over the place. Its messy and when his med is in it thats means he doesnt get his full dosage, which means hospital trips for my little dude. I dont want that, so im just trying to help him break this habit. I dont know. What do you guys think? Am i being harsh telling kadyn no and taking the botle away for no more then 2 mintes? Of course new moms usually seek the advice of thier mothers, but my mom has no clue what i go through, or anything or what its like to raise a child with specail needs. Dang, im still learning how to do this.

PLus his therapist already say he has a behavoiral issue, because there are things he can do, but refuses to do them, like transition into a sippy cup, he has drank from one before but he refuses to do so again. He can eat from a spoon he has done it before. but refuses to do so. LIke sometimes he wont hold his botttle. he knows how to do so, but just doesnt want to. They told me when it comes to those things, to not give in. That its okay to miss a feeding because he wont drink from a striaght nipple, well when thats all he does is drink how is it okay? Its not okay in my book, because thats where all his nutrition comes from. Anyways. I am going to try to nap, kadyn is drifting asleep next to me YAY


Anonymous said...

What you're doing is perfectly ok. Kadyn needs to learn that there are limits and in this case not playing with his bottle is one of them. Letting him cry briefly will not kill him. He is merely learning cause and effect: If I play with my bottle it gets taken away ~ NOT fun. If I don't play with it I can drink it and I'm not hungry anymore. Cool. That's how children learn the difference between right and wrong. You are teaching him in a non-violent manner, which is certainly better than smacking him. Keep up the good work and he'll soon figure it out. Remember, consistency is ALWAYS the key in teaching children. Once you start something see it through to the end. Stick with it and you'll more than likely get the result you want. Kids don't come with "Operation Manuals" so you've got to figure it out as you go along. Hang in there, Mom, you're on the right track!

Anonymous said...

Hi Sara-

I have been following your blog for a few months ever since I saw your dedication to Kadyn on youtube.

Anyway, after reading your last post I just wanted to tell you that you are absolutly right.

I work with handicapped people of all different levels of funtionality. I can not tell you how many consumers we work with that have tantrums/behaviors, all because mom's were affraid to set a few guidlines with their children. Kadyn needs to learn in whatever capability that he can, what is expected. His behaviors may seem small and inconcequentional (mom's view) now, but picture him a full grown man throwing food, or refusing things as you described. Remeber a mother's instincts are never wrong!

Thank you for being the woman that you are. Kadyn is very lucky.

Eddie said...

I've a only thing to tell!
Thanks!! thanks for to make me a new guy!! thanks for showing us who is a really strong here!!
Your son changed my life!!
really you have an abgel in your side!! I'm goint to prayd for you!
one more Thanks!!
Eddie Vilar | brazil

Anonymous said...

You are doing the right thing. He has to learn that he can not do some things. What you are doing is not cruel.. it's just disapline. He is smarter than your Mom thinks he is. He will learn the lesson you are trying to teach him.
I started reading your blog last week. You are a strong woman and a wonderful Mom..

Anonymous said...

In terms of discipline and special needs kids, I think you just need to consider developmental level (which may not be age) and whether an underlying deficit is causing the behavior in order to guide disciplinary approaches. With Kadyn, it's best to say a firm "No", stop the behavior for a moment, and then redirect his attention. I wouldnt take the bottle away for more than a moment (just to make a point) at this developmental stage. He doesn't have the cause and effect thinking to respond well to a "time out" whether it involves him or the bottle.