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Saturday, October 4, 2008


Okay so everytime i get a reason not to go im given one to go, and the one that really tugs at my heart is I can stay home with him, and above all thats the most important. I mean, There is a good hospital out that way...i know it, but the fact that i could stay home with Kadyn and work with him more, is realy good for him. I dont think i made my final desicion like i thought i did. I mean, yes Kadyns doctors adn things are set up here, but the job and the good money for a better future for kadyn is going to be there. I just dont know anymore. I thought i had made a great desicion for kadyn...but now im starting to rethink this whole thing...the pros of moving are starting to outweight the cons. Its not always which list is longer but what items on the list are most important. I think im going to find out exacly what childrens is closest and i think when harvey moves i am going to schedual an appointment for the neurosurgan, neurologist, cardiologist, and optimologist out there, and see what thier plans would be..and what not. I think thats what im going to do befor i make my final desicion. Im going to try adn get them done all inone week..or so..take a vacation wtih kadyn. Collect all his medical records, mris, and stuff.

Of course im looking at this web site for Pheonix Childrens Hospital, and they have what seems to be an awesome place. I think i may of fallen in love already. YAY But im going to wait and see what happens. I am sure God will help me make the best desicion as a mother. I am just worried that either way there is going to be a ton of sacrafice in both parts. Im just worried I want whats best for my son, and to me whats best is good doctors and me being able to stay home with him,even if it means moving. I mean idk...I just want to be a good mom to my baby boy. I want the best for him because he deserves that and more. I want to make a desicion that wont hurt his health. I want to just make the best of everything with him. Kadyn is my life, when the rest of the world has turned their backs on me, heis the only one who reaches for me....when ive had a stressful day at work, one look at him and i forget that i even worked that day. He just makes living sooo much better then it was before. He completes my world.

Its just amazing how someone so small could just make the world so much better to live in. He is just a little hero, he has been through so much and you just wouldnt be able to tell that he has spent most hsi life in and out of the hospital, You wouldnt be able to ever tell he had 9 surgeries unless u saw his head of course, but serisously he is just too happy! Its funny. I had decided to send a picture to my Old OBGYN, the specailists, ahh yes, the one who pretty much gave me no hope...i wrote a letter telling him how awesome kadyn was doing and i put, wow and you said he would be a vegetable, look at him now 15 months later. I havent gotten a reply, nor do i want one, but i was never going to send him a picture but i decided to...because i wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted him to know that there is hope, and basically hopefully inspire him to feel like there is hoope for children who are diagnoised with this condition. It is life threatening, but what isnt now days?? Living is life threatening. I mean is. I dont care my child is awesome!

Well i think im going to go lay down adn watch tv...

hope yall have a good night

God Bless


bluelady said...

Kadynsmommy you are a wonderful mum ...are you available for adoption ???
I too have congenital hydro apparently from birth but it went undiagnosed till my late early thirty's. I am so happy to hear you will do whatever it takes to make your son better ...but remember hydro will make him whatever wonderful person he will become. I looked back on my life and wondered who I could have been had I been diagnosed earlier but then a comment by a stranger made me re look at who I had become..Someone not afraid to speak her mind regardless of what people thought of me before I was diagnose I didn't speak up for myself...I have always did done things even when they told me it would be impossible to do because of my hydro, ok I wont become a world renown space pilot but that's not what God had planned for me...Even now I don't know what is on God's blueprint but i know I must be here for a reason because every now and then god puts people into my life who say I am the best thing that has happened to them ...Most times I have only smiled or said good morning but that smile or comment can mean so much to someone whose life I know nothing about but one such incident was on a bus one day where the young chap I spoke to was contemplating suicide because his life had taken a turn for the worse his girl had run off with another man and he had been retrenched from his work place. When he over heard what I had been though and that I would have to live with my condition. But I was a happy person with a wonderful attitude with less of a life than he had but i still shared a smile with strangers...

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a few months now, and I must say: you taught me a lot.
I have also been reading your pro/con's on moving away with your ex boyfriend, and in my personal opinion you had valid reason to decide against it. Now you doubt again, and that's your right, yet I wanted to ask you one thing, that could maybe help in your search for the 'best' answer.

It's really nice of him to be willing to let you stay at home with Kadyn and pay for the whole household and so, but if I remember correctly: you are no couple anymore. What will happen if he finds another girl? Will these same 'agreements' be able to stand so easily?

I am not trying to influence your decision whatsoever, but I believe this is also an aspect that's worth thinking of, before making a final decision..

Good luck with all!

-Tara said...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH Phoenix Children's is an AWESOME hospital. The Neurosurgery team there is awesome. IDK on the hydro level but I do know that James got a skull fracture at 9 months and we had to go there to make cure everything was ok and we were treated so awesome. The staff at the hospital in the ER is great. As scary as that place may seem it is soooooo awesome! Weve take Michelle to the ER there 2 times.

Now if you come out San Diego way I would bludgen you over the head until you took Kadyn to Rady Childrens Hospital San Diego. CAuse let me tell you... UGH I can't!!!!!! I know what it's like to leave your comfort zone.. I did it and it turned out to be for the better! Ok email me and if you want info on either ill send you my number and you can call me!!!!