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Saturday, February 28, 2009

I am just sooo frustrated with everything right now

Ok, I need to borrow my son's blog to vent. So Harvey gets two days off a week. During the week we goes to school and work, so by the time he gets home from work Kadyn is still sleeping, and he sleeps until he has to go to school and usually by the time he gets home from school Kadyn is sleeping again. So the weekends you have off, wouldn't you want to at least spend some time with your child. Like I feel like I am on my own again. It's hard. 

Especially when Kadyn is up all night long and he doesn't fall asleep until 7-am and I have been up all night, and so has Kadyn, and you decide to play with power tools to finish your wall while your child is sleeping, instead of waiting for us to wake up you just rudely wake up. I tried to ask him nicely to please wait, kadyn didn't sleep last night but I got nothing. Rudeness thats it. 

So, I brushed it off and was like well Maybe I'll look at this positively, if he wakes up now and stays awake maybe he will start sleeping through the night. I can hope right? We will see tonight. 

Then he comes home this morning as I am getting Kadyn's medications together and tells me that Kadyn is going to His grandmas today. Wait a second, why didn't I know this until today. I firmly said no Harvey Kadyn threw up yesterday he shouldn't go anywhere. He says no HE IS GOING he is fine. SO I had to call Harvey's grandma and just inform her that Kadyn was sick, that I didn't want him to stay the night there

After Harvey finishes his wall, he tells me he is going to bar the tonight. I am furious now, not because he is going to the bar, but because he goes to sleep, and instead of spending time with his son, he is going to go out. NOw yes I went out the last two days in a row, but I think it was well deserved because I don't go out often and when I go out, I don't drink anymore. I don't really like it. Kadyn needs me and I don't need to be a drunken mess when I come home. 

Now Harvey is going to come home a dunkin mess  I will be mad. 

I am just so frustrated with everything living with him. I told him that me and him could never live together and be happy, so I told him there was no point, that If I am going to raise Kadyn alone I'd rather be alone. So he is going to fix what was suppose to be our living room in the basement and he is going to move in there and Kadyn and I will have the room to ourselves. Not that I minded sharing a room with him,but he wakes me up when he gets home at 7am, and I don't like that especially when I've been up all night with Kadyn. So....He is going to have that done by the weekend. I have a job interview to start making my own money now. I am no longer going to rely on Harvey to give me money to do what I wanted like he promised me. Which when I ask for money I ask for like 10 bucks if I am going to out to get pop or jucie while Im out.

Its whatever now. 

So here I am upstairs with Kadyn in the living room while Harvey sleeps. I slept 5 hours a total thats it, and it was broken sleep at that, and Kadyn slept that same amount. He woulda slept longer but I guess that couldn't happen. BUt I am going to look at the positive side of this, maybe he will sleep through the night. I am still a lil upset because I was having an awesome dream but oh well. What can ya do. 

Kadyn still not feeling good :-(

He hasn't thrown up anymore thank goodness, but he is congested AGAIN...I think its teething. He just keeps getting them in.

OK going to change Kadyn in some clean PJS. Whats the point of putting him in an outfit lol We aren't going anywhere and he has a billion pjs now thanks to my sister LOL!!!


Anonymous said...

2nd on the Luvs ~ they are my dipey of choice. Real good and much better buy. esp. when they are on sale at Target. As far as u and daddy... stand YOUR ground. You know what is in Kadyn's best interest. You are the MOM. And as hard as it may be.... some time and [physical] space may be needed betw. u and Dad so you can assimilate current happenins'. Take it from one who's been there... and BTW sorry your baby's been throwing up. You and daddy are dealing with a lot, and you both have a lot of issues on your plates. Make sure you recruit some objective help with your problems. Sitters for Kadyn, maybe a pastor or previous hospital psych support staff for you (and if they didn't give one for a hydro-baby mama... well, they better have... and let me know if they didn't. I'll email you some info on NICU/hydro babies support). I know (really I do!) how frustrating it can be when daddy isn't really doing as much as you would like done... and you rely so much on him for some basic needs. You are as always a champ. Husgs to Kadyn!!!