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Friday, July 10, 2009

Keeping an eye on Kadyn

Or maybe its keeping the village on Kadyn. I swear. Well, Kadyn has his bad days as with every child, but only hydromoms know what its like to look at every little thing and just think omg it could be thier shunt. Well Kadyn won't sit up in his high chair at all today. He cries. Maybe he just don't feel like doing it today, because when he is laying down he talks and he is happy. Though he isn't screaming and laughing like he normally does. This could just be Kadyn being himself, but I can't always be sure. It's been 7 months since his last revision, which wow is a record. We are breaking all sorts of records now. No BIG siezures in over 3 months, and no revisions in 7 months. HIs ventricals last time actually were smaller, which is GREAT! His head actually looks smaller and more shaped now also, although he still has the little cone in the back. I think it is cute. Kadyn normally loves sitting in his high chair adn watching TV. He doesn't today, but watch, I am going to worry and worry, and I'll try one last time to get him to sit in it, and he will. Then I will type up an update about how I was wrong. (this is me thinkin positive)

I used to think negative about pretty much everything until my little Kadyn showed me that even though things seem rough, it always gets easier or better. I don't think dealing with kadyn's condition ever gets easier, but it gets, I really can't think of the word I am looking for. Pretty much it gets acceptable. You just have to learn to accept the fact that surgery is going to happen eventually. Although putting your child through such a horrible surgery is painful, a few days of pain and soreness is better then a squished brain, headaches, irritability and all those other shunt malfunction symptoms.

I rememeber Kadyn's last surgery. Going in on Christmas Eve. Of all days to go in, but I looked at the positive. I didn't have to spend Christmas Eve, with his fathers family, smelling fish (I dont like fish) and listening to them tell me what I should do, should be doing, and shouldn't do with Kadyn. I take all the help I can get, but it's hard to accept advice from those who have never delt with anything like this. I do just be positive smile and accept it. Back to the story.

As I was handing my little kadyn off to his nurse, i realized that soon kadyn won't be in any pain anymore, that his head will feel better, and although he had both types of flus that can be tested for and the rotavirus, soon his head will feel better, and with tamiflu, time, rest, and love his flu would go away. Kadyn who was intubated (breath machine) at arrival to Childrens, only stayed in the hospital for 5 days. 5 days, with such a sick boy, he truely is my little fighter. (Kadyn in english mean Fighter)

I love blogging about Kadyn. I could talk about him, and his condition for hours on end. Explaining his story. Though his story really is right here on this page. I just love talking about him. I get many customers at my work who know of his condition and are always asking how he is doing. They always tell me that I am doing a great job for such a young person. I thank them all the time. Hearing that puts the biggest smile on my face. I never thought I would ever be who I am today. I am happy, I am more postive, I am more myself than ever. I am happier, I feel loved everyday looking into my childs and knowing there is no greater love than the love of my child. There is no feeling like the feeling of being needed and needing that person just as much also. Kadyn gives me that and so much more. His smile, how can you not smile when he is smiling? How can you not laugh at his laugh, or even smile just knowing he is here breathing, learning, and loving life. Kadyn has shown me the real meaning of love and happiness. He truely brightened up my life a million times more. Even when Kadyn is in a horrible mood, I am glad he is stressing me out. Just because he never was suppose to be able to do that. I love it when he crys for me, when he crys and says mamamamaama while crying, I smile. I smile everyday knowing I have him to wake up to and come home to. I work for him, I go sleepless for him, I push on for him. Kadyn is an amazing little guy. He has goen through sooo much in his short 2 years of life. I am so happy he is finally getting a break from all the stuff he was going through. All the surgeries (15 brain, 2 port), all the siezures he has had (over 50). The true defenition of LOVE is Looking into your childs eyes and knowing that no matter what they do, nothing could even make you stop loving them, no pain, no wrong doing, nothing. You'll always love your babies. Knowing this makes me feel at peace with everything. I finally have found a happy place. Right here with Kadyn. I loves him!