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Sunday, February 21, 2010

My light

First I want to comment on how darn cute this sweater and hat is on Kadyn! LOVE IT! This was one of the outfits donated to Kadyn. I want to thank them for it.

Church today was amazing. I really felt and saw the Holy Spirit working in Kadyn. I bet everyone is asking or wondering "How on earth would she know this?" Well, Kadyn was cracking up in church today. Normally Kadyn isn't much of a laugher, just a smiler. When he laughs it's more of a shrieking scream. This was a deep down belly laugh. I have never seen him laugh so hard. He normally sleeps through church, doesn't wake up at all. He just cracked up. He was laughing when the pastor was preaching. I was laughing too. I believe that an angel was tickling him or something! I truly believe that the works of God was going on there. He hasn't done it since. He has not laughed like that since church. Since Kadyn has been on this new diet, I have seen huge changes. He is more talkative, active, awake, happy, and most of all, he has gained weight already. Thank goodness. As I see him change I thank God that I prayed with him about putting Kadyn on this diet, and he answered and told me I should. I have become really close with God these past weeks. Which totally makes me happier.

For awhile I was depressed. I am going to be honest. I was so depressed that all I ever did was sit in the house with Kadyn. I was waiting for when he needed me, when he cried. I gained a lot of weight from eating and being angry with myself. I wouldn't shower because I'd be so scared that Kadyn would have a seizure while I was in the shower. Someone always had to be here to watch Kadyn while I showered, even then I was still scared. I have changed though. I have become happier. I have accepted that even if no one is here, I can still do things, because God is here, protecting him. I am about to brave the biggest fear. Leaving Kadyn for more than a day. I am going on a mini vacation the first weekend of March. I am going to Kentucky, Kadyn will be staying with my sister here in Ohio. I think this will give me a chance to grow and trust the Lord more the shield Kadyn from seizures. I also believe that my sister is strong enough to handle it. This is a big leap for me, but I am being told that if I treat Kadyn like he just like any "normal" child he will then feel that way. Which is what I want. So, I am going to do this. I think it will be good for me and Kadyn.

Kadyn's dad comes home in 3 days, if you haven't guess already, He is the one taking me on this vacation. He wanted to travel a little before he went over to defend out country. So I told him I would tag along. I am too nervous yet to take Kadyn any farther then this. Although he went to Indiana, and I hope we are able to go there again this summer! I am excited, scared, and happy all at the same time!

I wanted to share something that is very ironic to me. I woke up this morning about, well it would be yesterday morning now, at about 4:30am to Kadyn ready to play. Since he was being so good, I didn't get up, because well, I was actually lazy! (haha) Well when I got up for church, I had this song in my head called How Great is Our God. I had it in my head, sang it in the shower, and just couldn't get it out of my head. We have a band at our church, and they play first thing, and the song that they play is the one that was stuck in my head all day! It was awesome! (Kadyn started laughing during this song!)

Today our Preacher also pointed me out today. As an example of following God. He praised me for my choice in keeping Kadyn. He said that when I get to heaven I will know my impact on this earth and that I am making a big impact now because when most people would turn and terminate their child when finding out they have a bad condition I didn't. I chose life, and thats what God would of chose. He said many could learn from my strength and courage for taking this on. Then something told me to say, I don't understand how any mother could turn away from their child just because they look different, when inside out hearts we are all the same. I got chills after that!


Kristen said...

You sound like you are doing so fantastic! That brings so much delight to my heart.

Angie said...

That is so amazing! I've been reading your blog for a while now and I just have to say that you are an amazing person. I love reading your blog! Where in KY are you going? That's where I live!