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Thursday, September 22, 2011

Perhaps I've changed my out look on things

I never imagined myself being a mom ever. When I got pregnant I was 19 years old. Yes, I had been with Harvey for 5 years then, but I was living life and planning on returning to school to become a nurse. Finding out Kadyn would have all these diagnosis really got to me then. The first thing I thought of was, what would others think? Would I get their approval? Was that selfish of me, or perhaps it was the young teen mom in me? This I really am unsure of, as the day I got to meet him, those worries went down the drain. Knowing that my son, could pass away at any moment without his shunt being in place was all I worried about. Calling the hospital everyday while we were apart, which I am pretty sure annoyed his nurses a bit because I would call every hour, but then I didn't care. I remember just wishing I could hold him and tell him everything was going to be ok. He needed his mommy, was all I thought about. 

As he got older, he grew into his 55cm head. Did people stare? Yes. At first it hurt me, and killed me to think how different Kadyn was. This again I believe was due to my age and immaturity at the time. I slowly learned from all this though that perhaps I am lucky. I mean everyone notices Kadyn which is a good way to get awareness out there. Now when anyone stares it's not so bad. You can hardly tell that his head is slightly bigger than normal, but hay so is his dads. (lol) I have learned that life throws hard balls, but you just have to learn to swing and hit homeruns with them. 

It's actually funny now because when I take Kadyn to the store, I get aww, he looks so comfortable laying in his stroller and I smile and say, why yes he is, and I wish he could be pushing me and doing the shopping sometimes. This usually leads up to a question. How old is he? Then a funny look when I say he is 4. Although it probably really isn't none of their business, I just say, he was born with hydrocephalus and had a bit of a rough start in life. Then I get what is that, and a nice conversation about how strong they think I am. I honestly don't think it's strength that brings me through each day. It's the thought of knowing that I am a mommy now, and it's my privilege to take care of such an amazing boy.  God chose me, and for his reasons, he knew I could do this. He knew that I could care for Kadyn through it all, and that I would make the right decisions for him. He knew that Kadyn deserved a family who loves him no matter what. My little man will be starting school soon. He is physically delayed and delayed cognitively, but yet he is going to go to school to learn to sit up, and learn sign language. He is going to do this and I have faith that even though they say after 2 there is little hopes are children walking, I have faith that one day Kadyn will take steps. Whether they be only with my holding his hands, or a walker, or freely, my little Kadyn will one day know what it feels like with the ground below his feet. 

Kadyn had an ENT appointment today to get his ears checked since his surgery. He has had one ear infection since then and that resolved in 2 days. His ENT was glad and she said that his slight hearing loss really isn't anything to worry about. She doesn't believe this will slow Kadyn down at all and she said that it could be just due to the fluid that was on his ears for so long. She then said, see you back in 6 months! How aweosme is that!!

I am a pretty crafty person. I am also a lover of Halloween. Why? Oh maybe it's because I was born on that day!! :). We have our Halloween decor up already, mostly because we got it from our old house and didn't feel like putting it away just to put it up in a couple weeks. So it's up, almost all of it. my mom has some things that we are going to put up. Like our Halloween tree. I bought a haunted house, and it's a Haunted Cookie House. I made it. It took me 2 hours to make it, but I did it! I love it!!!
The cookies can pre baked into the shape of the house. I just had to "ice" the pieces together. Ohhh but I cheated a little. Since of course no one would be eating this house, I super glued it together. It was a lot easier then using the icing. I think iced over the edges and added the candy and sprinkles. I think it turned out pretty neat. Better than my Christmas one last year, which I think I will re do this year. 

Baby sitting is still going good. Alexa turned a year old September 10th. I can't believe she is already a year. It's amazing how much I have watched this little girl grow. I bought the outfit she is wearing. I go to the retail stores a lot to buy clothes and I usually pick her up an outfit or two to keep here just incase. You never know when her mom will forget something, or if Alexa will decide to be a messy girl. It's hard for me to pick out girl clothes. I am so used to shopping for dinosaurs and cars and trucks. I think I am getting the hang of it haha! I enjoy babysitting, although sometimes it's rough and my patients are tested, a lot. It's fun to have her running around, im sorry crawling around and getting into things and learning new things. 


Sue Z said...

You and Kadyn are so blessed to have been given to each other. You sound like an awesome mom!

I work with children with disabilities, I'm an OT. Don't EVER let anyone tell you that Kadyn will never walk. I'll never forget being at a 3 yr old boy's IEP meeting and the PT telling the dad that he would never walk. I agreed. The boy had extreme brain damage ... actually holes where his brain tissue should be and he had low muscle tone ... he was just all floppy.

I was so blessed to be there on the day that he took his first steps!! He was 8 yrs old ... in fact, it was his 8th birthday! Never give up hope. Amazing things will happen once Kadyn starts school and is getting all of his therapies. They will have him up in a stander and trying to walk with a walker in no time!! :)