Getting that feeling

I know it's coming. It's just a matter of when. I can hardly sleep, I am constantly checking on him, knowing that any time it's going to happen. A Seizure. Normally with in a couple weeks of me getting the feeling of it happening, it happens. I don't know what it is, but I am constantly up and checking on him, when I hear him breath funny (something he also does purposely) I am jumping out of bed and running into his room just to make sure he is ok. If I hear something or think I hear something I am checking on him. I hate this feeling. Especially since Neurology wanted me to start him on a medication but I just couldn't. I know what medication does to his body. I've seen it, I've lived it, Kadyn has lived it and it is not pretty. I still have the medication in the cabinet, there it sits. I've come to realize Kadyn will NEVER be seizure free. With as much brain damage as he has, I'm lucky that he does not seize daily. Putting him on a medication that will cause him to be extra sleepy, on top of this diet just seems like too much. Eventually Kadyn will be weened off this diet. I know he will continue having seizures, and I know that there is no amount of medication that will help him. Sure I can put him through surgery, get him a VNS but will that really help him? I doubt it. Now I'm not giving up. I'm just acknowledging that Kadyn has seizures and always will. His MRI even shows that the things he is doing now, He should not even be able to do. I'm thankful, overly thankful that Kadyn's seizure are more controlled now than they ever were before. So we continue to follow up with Neurology and just keep on trucking forward. It is all we can do.

Until he has that seizure that I am feeling it coming on, I'll keep checking on him over and over again, I hardly sleep anymore anyways due to this pregnancy anyways.


I'm 18 weeks and just starting to feel some movement. It's not often and I have to really be laying still and paying attention to even feeling anything, but it's wonderful. 2 more days until I find out if we are having a boy or girl. Harvey started priming the walls yesterday and we will paint the room once we know if we are having a boy or girl and we pick the bedding/colors. Then we will paint our living room. I am hoping to get him to agree on painting the bathroom too. It's light blue and I want a darker color in the bathroom. Kadyn's room we are going to touch up the paint in his room. The kitchen we are leaving the same green color but just repainting it to make it look fresh.The last thing we will put in is the carpet in the baby room.

We are going to my sisters on Saturday to go through her baby stuff and picking through it. When I had Kadyn we did the same thing. she dresses her kids well :) lol. She also has a excersaucer and a few other big things we need. 5 more months!!